It feels like a curse to be able to get outside. To be able to watch your every step constantly analysing yourself. And it's probably worse to do it with the others.
You can always wish to be dull enough not to see what happens around you. Because if you can see what the others feel, what they are afraid of and tortured by, it hurts. And then you are told exactly the same thing you have always known and accepted (partly... because you still believe) - it hurts more, cuz' it happens that you we been acting a fool (oh, no, you've been aware of everything. The way only you can see things.)
It is a big, true curse. But... "Let's not envy for instance"
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